Thought Catalog

She’d been clean and sober all year, so far. Persevered for three whole hours before her pupils dilated, heartbeat raced, palate brittle as sandpaper. Resolve, redact, reuse. Even diet-based resolutions make it longer than this.

Entropy is defined as the average unpredictability in a random variable. She lived for this impulsiveness; an erratic manifestation of kinetic activity and potential. If you were unpredictable, no one could ever have any expectations. If no one ever had any expectations, no one would ever get hurt.

It was quite the savior complex.

Can you change a system that has such resolve? One with such gravity guiding it? Up, up, up? More, more, more? Life constantly straddled lucidity. She engaged people as ideas. Conceptual relationships. Compartmentalization. Nothing actually existed, including consequences. You cancel out the butterfly effect if you numb the pool.

She said she hated the installated carpet the most. As she scuffed…

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