falling too fast.

I swore off clothing stores this year. For I know I deserve to be dead, and the least I can do is practice being responsible with money by reconsidering what it is that makes me feel pretty or want to get up in the morning.

Another step: I am desperate, truly desperate, to add an exclamation point to my life, bringing my heart and mind to ultimate heights of love and understanding of The Lord’s purpose in my life, so I will also not eat for a while.

I am emptying myself of all but my baptism. I only know that I am deep in sin and frustration, desperate for guidance – not art, not music, not any major decision can save me. I must stop living with this darkness, chase it free with true focus that will be brought with this fast.

In the Lord’s time, I will that I live another day. I read nothing but your Word, I am desperate. I listen to naught but songs to you, I am dying. I eat nothing, drinking only water, I must have your peace and joy.

I must sound insanely crazed. Know that I am truly serious about this. My spiritual walk has weakened, I found myself sitting by the wayside rather than running. So onwards I sprint, carried by prayer and dedication. I know I am more than this and I must be more than this.