locked.

you will never admit that we love you

because that will mean you have done something wrong.

it is easier for you to return what you think is hate

than admit that you have cut deep carelessly.

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kicking pride in the face

maybe I’ll go for a run

and see how weak I am, how my feeble joints won’t hold.

maybe I’ll go to the pool

and remember that I can barely swim,

hiding the fact that I have to hold my nose underwater.

maybe I’ll play on a team

and think of all the times I got picked last

because I was the girl whose knees would lock and stick,

who’d fall to the ground crying because she couldn’t move.

maybe I’ll go play the guitar

and lament at how bad I am and put it away again, ashamed.

or maybe I’ll shut my mouth and stop whining

do what scares me,

stop comparing myself to other people,

and push past pain and fear to strength.